I know I done a post a few days ago, but this is post has been on my mind for a while, but I wasn't too sure how to put it across. I mean this post is my personal opinion and doesn't necessarily apply to other CFs. This post is about what's it like with friends and boyfriends when dealing with CF, while some CFs feel the same other may feel I'm chatting crap, but this is how I feel about it.
Over the years, I've changed my group of friends so many times and although I barely talk to them anymore, or we've fell out or whatever, in that space of time that we was friends, they were very supportive with my CF. They understood I went into hospital often and they understood part of my illness, I don't really expect them to look into it or anything. They always come to the hospital and visit me. My best friends now are the same, they are always supportive and they come to visit me all the time, and them days when I haven't got the energy to entertain them as such and be talkative, they don't mind just sitting there, well they make out they don't anyway.
I find sometimes it's hard to keep friends with such a complex illness, its hard if they don't understand, why I cancel last minute, I'm running late because of treatments, I've slept in late or we have to go home early because I'm so tired, but luckily right now I have two best friends that really understand, well I hope they do anyway. They don't mind that when we go out I'm in a wheelchair and they have to push me around in it, I mean sometimes they seem to enjoy it because they get to ram people in our way.
Overall though, over the years I've had some pretty supportive friends and although I don't talk to many of them anymore, I will always appreciate the support I received from them.
Now boyfriends, this one is probably the hardest for me, mostly because I find it hard letting someone in to my life with all this going on. I feel guilty that there stuck with the 'ill' girl so to speak. Letting someone see me at my worst is hard for me. I'm not the most confident girl as there is, so letting someone see me lying there with no make up on, feeling ill, makes me feel really uncomfortable. So when you do meet someone that you feel comfortable enough around to see you like that is nice, and its hard to find someone that you're willing to let in, to see you at your worst, its hard to think that if they do care about you, all you're going to do in the long run is to hurt them, same with friends i guess, so me personally, the first thing I do is push them away. This is hard because you push them away and then you have to start that process all over again, which I don't like to do. I've let people in and just as fast pushed them away because I get scared. Its bad enough my family have to watch me suffer, so why bring other people into that too, you get what I mean.
Overall, I've had so much support over the years and I want to thank everybody who's been in my life and who is still in my life.
My next post is going to be a Q&A, so if you have any questions about CF, how I cope with CF, non CF related or CF related, ask me anything and I'll answer it all on here. Please get intouch.
Love you guys, and thanks for all the blog and Twitter support it means A LOT!
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